It’s chicken that sort of tastes like ham. You’ll practically be a wizard if you make this.

What you need

  • Boneless chicken breasts
  • Ziplock bags (1 for each breast)
  • Plastic wrap
  • Kitchen twine
  • For each chicken breast:
    • 1 tbsp molasses
    • 1 tbsp brown sugar
    • 1 tbsp honey
    • 1 tsp black pepper
    • Thyme

Do this

  • Trim fat from chicken
  • Squish chicken flat (cling wrap and a rolling pin works well for this)
  • Stab each piece of chicken violently several times with a fork
  • Mix sweeteners and black pepper in a bowl (skip the thyme for now)
  • Divide each chicken breast and ~3 tbsp of sweetener mix into ziplock bags
  • Squish the crap out of each bag so the chicken is well coated and somewhat demoralized
  • Seal bags and refrigerate for ~48 hours
  • Rinse chicken off in cold water
  • Roll each chicken breast tightly into a, well, roll
  • Wrap each piece tightly in plastic
  • Bring a pot of water to a boil and add add chicken. Let boil for 5 minutes
  • Turn heat off pot. Put a lit on the pot and let chicken sit for 1 hour
  • Upwrap chicken and sprinke with thyme
  • Marvel upon your creation and consider eating it